So Long Insecurity

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

I struggle with my mind.  A lot.  Insecurities race across my brain with lightening speed.  Sometimes, I can stop them but other times they get the best of me.  2015 was a tough year of battling with my own thoughts and fears.  One of my hopes for the new year was to work on harnessing the ability to better control my thoughts when they start to run in a direction that caused me strife.  This alone is a pretty big goal.. I am insecure about many things.  My own image, the image that others hold of me, security my relationships, my job, my dreams, my plans.. the list goes on and on.  I am by nature a worrier. I constantly tell myself, "Something will go wrong - just wait for it, look for it and dwell on it."  This unhealthy mindset often creates problems out of my own manipulation.  It's a vicious cycle. One that I have come to loathe.  I have many friends, my husband included, that rarely worry about anything and I envy their freedom.

In the past year, I have learned a lot from my ups and downs.  I have evaluated my thinking patterns and things that trigger my emotional stress.  After many conversations with friends and mentors the one thing I have concluded is that I merely cannot overcome all of my insecurities alone.  The week of the New Year I completed a short 4-day study on my Bible app entitled One Word That Will Change Your Life.  The devotional walked me through scripture and encouraged me to pray and ask God to point out the areas of my life that needed Him the most.  The study encouraged me that in those areas I would find the one "word" that would help light my journey with Christ in 2016.  I battled between a few words but by the end of the study it became clear to me what my word would be - Trust

When I look at my life.. the things I worry about, the things I fear the most - it becomes very clear to me that at the root of my insecurities is my lack of trust in the Lord.  That trust is all encompassing. It is a lack of trust in His plan, in His love for me, in His guidance, in remembering that even in life's pain and happiness - He is there.  He is listening and waiting with arms open for me.  He is bigger than the world.  But I alone fail at times to remember his promises.  

Louie Giglio writes in his study,  Passion: The Bright Light of Glory, "But how do we walk free, especially from the patterns of life that have dogged us for so long, ways of thinking, habits and addictions that have chained us to a past that is far less than God's best for our lives?"

For one, we set our gaze on Jesus.  The Psalmist writes, "I have set the Lord continually before me, because he is at my right hand I will not be shaken.  Therefore my heart is glad, my tongue rejoices and my flesh will rest secure." Psalm 16:8-9 

Giglio repeatedly states that "What we are drawn toward, whatever our eyes are fixed on.. In time, that fixation becomes our reality."

I know that my reality can become quickly distorted in my times of greatest doubt.  Lies begin to look like the truth and I wander the endless maze of my mind looking for answers.  To become truly vulnerable in my life, to lay, undone at my Father's feet - that feels like the greatest risk.  Yet, the Lord promises life eternal, our greatest reward, lie in His grace and love.  My only job is to trust Him and follow where He leads.


My challenge to you and myself today is not to look at all of the things that are out of our control (because really, what IS in our control?) but to instead focus your heart and your mind solely on Jesus.  Allow yourself to rest in His promises and His peace.  Knowing that His love is greater than any insecurity or fear or trial or heartbreak you will ever encounter.  When Christ defeated darkness, He gave His life for our freedom.  Because of Him, We can proclaim victory over our thoughts and our fears - open to whatever the Lord has in store.  I encourage you friends to seek His freedom and fight the good fight - the battle has been won! 


"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." Philippians 4:8

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