Carry Me

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

"In the same way I will not cause pain
without allowing something new to be born."
Isaiah 66:9

I had a moment on Saturday night.  Like an ugly, salty, bad attitude moment and I completely directed every bit of it towards my husband.  He tried to be so sweet and console me.  With every snap I took he responded with encouragement and a little dose of some much needed reality.  I couldn't shake it though.  I was talking so much.  I was feeling so much.

We have been struggling with infertility for two years now.  My purpose in sharing this is not to draw sympathy or attention.  It is instead to be transparent in hopes that our transparency will in some way benefit and encourage another.  The journey of infertility is emotional to say the least.  Within a months span you can experience so many different emotions it will leave your head spinning.  At the end of it all your left thinking:

this life doesn't look like I thought it would.


I had it all planned out.  Get a job, get married, be a really good wife, have babies, stay home and raise those babies, help those babies grow up into good people.  I know so many people think I am being dramatic or selfish in my want.  I get it, I am immeasurably blessed; I have a good job and I got married to the sweetest man.  We live in a nice house and take some really awesome trips.  So why do I find myself so fixated on the one thing I don't have?

Humans are wired to want.  If we make a good living, we want a better living.  We drive a nice car, we want an even nicer car.  We get to take a trip to the beach, we want a trip to Europe instead.  We are always wanting more.

On Sunday, we listened to the sermon at North Metro Church online.  After Saturday night, I felt like it couldn't have been more appropriate for me to hear.

"Whatever Christ calls you to, He will carry you through."

I don't believe Jesus orchestrated us to walk through infertility.  It is not the character of Christ to cause pain or suffering.  I do believe that he can create the most beautiful things out of trials.  He brings joy and light to the most desperate of situations.  He calls us to find contentment in our situation, to grow in perseverance and in hope that He will carry us through whatever it is we have found ourselves walking through.

Our infertility is nothing compared to some of the storms I have seen my family, friends and coworkers battle through.  Cancer, loss of child, addiction, divorce, abuse, loss of job.. the list is as long as the earth.

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, 
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
through whom also we have access by faith
into this grace in which we stand,
and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
And not only that,
but we also glory in tribulations,
knowing that tribulation produces perseverance;
and perseverance, character; and character, hope."
Romans 5:1-4

There are promises in the in the trials.  Jesus has called us to live in the moments in which we find ourselves; to find contentment in our situations and allow Him to create change where it is needed. You DO NOT have to like your situation.  There are many times when I want to change ours; but I strive to find the beauty in all of it and be content with where Jesus has called us to.  I fail a lot.  But I remember that He wants me to choose to live in hope He provides, not stuck in the trap of want.  He has promised me that He will carry me and He will carry you.  

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